A Fake Penis & Sheep Sex - It's the end of the world as we know it

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.


EDITOR'S NOTE - Judging by the stories in the news, I am firmly convinced we have reached the End of Days. Human beings are fucking idiots. We are doomed.

 Athlete faces disciplinary action after using

fake penis to beat doping test

Devis Licciardi, a long distance runner, allegedly filled the artificial penis with uncontaminated urine which he then gave as a sample during a post-race test for banned substances.

Licciardi had just competed in a 10km road race at Molfetta in the southern region of Puglia when he was asked to take the urine test.
 

The 27-year-old athlete, a member of the Italian air force team, was allegedly caught trying to siphon off “clean” urine from the fake penis, which was concealed in his underpants reports the UK Telegraph.

He allegedly told the doctor he preferred to be alone during the test but the doctor refused, citing anti-doping laws that require a doctor to be in attendance.  Licciardi was caught attempting to siphon off uncontaminated urine from the fake "member" concealed in his underwear.

Licciardi, who is a member of the Italian air force team, faces a possible two year suspension if found guilty of the offense.

Fake penises are all the rage on the Internet for those trying to beat drug tests.  One website offers "The Original Whizzinator" and boasts of "life-like" prosthetic penises that are accompanied by packets of dehydrated, uncontaminated urine, which can be turned into liquid with a chemical heat pack. One pleased customer wrote this glowing testimonial:

I absolutely love the wizinator touch. I passed my drug test with ease and the person giving the test watched me pee!!! It is worth every penny real talk. 

Fake penises are readily available on the Internet and even come in different colors to match users’ skin colour, including white, black and Latino.

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Pakistani Accused of Raping 30 Sheep

 

Pakistani resident is facing charges of raping 30 sheep belonging to a citizen in Al Aflag.

The arrest came following a complaint received by the police station from a citizen reporting the capturing of the accused offender in the sheep's yard before midnight to conduct a sexual intercourse with the animals.

The sheep owner filed a complaint to the security authorities to analyze his cattle, Ministry of Agriculture will execute the analysis on the animals to complete the investigation procedures with the accused offender reports Alriyadh News.

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London firefighters rescued man who got

his penis trapped in a toaster

Firefighters in London freed a man whose penis was trapped in a toaster.

They rescued another who got his member stuck in a vacuum cleaner, as well as 79 people trapped in handcuffs.

London Fire Brigade  says it has attended more than 1,300 incidents involving people being trapped or stuck, often in everyday household items, since 2010 reports the London Evening Standard.

Each incident costs at least £290 to deal with, meaning the incidents have set the taxpayer back at least £377,000.

Third Officer, Dave Brown, said: “Some of the incidents our firefighters are called out could be prevented with a little common sense.

 “I don’t know whether it’s the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up.

“I’m sure most people will be Fifty Shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them.

In the last three years the capital’s fire crews have been called out to:

• 18 incidents involving children with their heads stuck in potties or toilet seats
• Five incidents involving people’s hands being stuck in shredders
• 79 incidents involving people being trapped in handcuffs
• Nine instances of men with rings stuck on their penises
• Four incidents where people had their hands stuck in blenders